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Movie Review: Beijing Bicycle

Story: I hated this film! (some of you have told me you like to know right away what I think - so there it is). The story is about a messenger boy's stolen mountain bike and the kid who ends up with it. Period! I am sure director Wang Xiaoshuai was trying to tell us about the new class conflict in China and the human condition but it was so contrived, poorly written and pointless that I couldn't care less about anybody after a while. I just wanted it to be over.

Acting: Lots of pouting, inexpressive empty stares and gaping open mouths. Ugh!

Critters: Not a critter to be seen among Beijing's 9,000,000 people. I did not want to think about where they all were.

Food: I was hoping for some good Chinese food but alas, there was only a cup of noodles and a mention of spareribs.

Visual Art: None

Blatant Product Placement: Merida Bicycles

Soundtrack: I was too bored to listen.

Opening Titles: Who cares?

Theater Audience: Some restless folks and us. My sister thought the person way up front looked like a dog. I laughed!

Squirm Scale: 5 - lots of violence in the form of gangs of youths beating up one another.

Predictability Level: I lost interest very early on. I thought the whole film was pointless.

Tissue Usage: I cried for joy when it was over.

Oscar Worthy: Ha!

Big Screen or Rental: Neither - but you could rent the much better, Vittorio De Sica's Bicycle Thief or the wonderful Breaking Away.

Length: In my altered state of consciousness it felt like it was 8 hours long but it was barely two hours.