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| Movie Review: Eastern Promises Alternate Title: The Russians are Coming!
Story: The Russians are coming
and this time they are not as lovable as that gang who hit the Cape
Cod shore back in 1966. Director David Cronenberg's
latest work is disappointing on many levels. It is uber-violent to the
point of being distracting to the main story line (however slim). The
threat of violence is omnipresent. The streets of London seemed safer
with Jack the Ripper than with this gang of Russian and Chechen hoods. Writer Steve Knight (Dirty,
Pretty Things, Amazing Grace) should leave this film off of his
resume. The simple plot involves a hospital midwife's discovery of a
diary on the body of a dead, pregnant 14 year old. She wants to get
the diary translated so she can find out if the infant has any living
relatives. Enter the Russian mob, replete with throat cuttings, scarification,
shootings, knife attacks and general mayhem in order to maintain their
control of sex slaves, drugs, thievery and destruction. Are there any redeeming qualities to the film?
Viggo Mortenson is terrific as one of the Russian hoods.
We get to see him naked in a fight scene. Sadly the scene is so violent
I had to close my eyes through most of it. Bummer. Acting: Viggo Mortensen as already
noted is terrific. It is just too bad that this film stinks. Naomi
Watts as the annoying obsessed nurse looking for answers in
all the wrong places has done much better work elsewhere. Vincent
Cassel as the heir apparent to the mob is perfectly creepy.
Armin Mueller-Stahl as the Russian boss is always good.
Predilection: I like Viggo Mortenson and I liked
a History of Violence, the other film that Cronenberg and Mortenson
did together.
Critters: Too violent for critters.
Food: Lots of food to feast your eyes upon. The Russian
mob boss has a Russian Tea Room type restaurant as a legitimate front
for his wrong doings. We get to see some wonderful Russian banquet dishes
including a tasting of borscht. We also get to see, ham, hamburgers,
french fries and green beans.
Sex Spectrum: Male nudity and some boobs. There is
a sex scene with Viggo and one of the sex slaves but it is anything
but sensual.
Soundtrack: Creepy
Opening Titles: Black background and white type.
Visual Art: Most of the film is dark so it was hard
to see lots of details.
Theater Audience: Pretty crowded for a Sunday afternoon.
There were audible gasps from the violence and an occasional laugh as
well (I found that part creepy).
Weather: The weather was pretty good for London.
Sappy Factor: 0
Quirky Meter: 0
Squirm Scale: 5 - I squirmed a lot from the violence.
The opening scene starts with a botched throat cutting in a barber shop.
Drift Factor: I looked at my watch often.
Predictability Level: High
Tissue Usage: 0
Oscar Worthy: No
Big Screen or Rental: Neither, but for some of Viggo
Mortenson's other work try renting: A History of Violence, The Lord
of the Rings, A Walk on the Moon, A Perfect Murder and Witness
Length: Under two hours.
LOBO HOWLS: 4
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