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Movie Review: Kill Bill Vol. 2

Alternate Title: D.O.A. (Dead on Arrival)

Story: This film was a HUGE disappointment and a total waste of my time and money. I liked Kill Bill and was looking forward to more innovative imagery with Volume 2. Director Quentin Tarantino doth think too highly of himself and he is treated much too kindly by the ever sucking up critics. His one big claim to fame was Pulp Fiction which resurrected the career of John Travolta (that's another rant for another time) and made Tarantino the cool 'indie' film darling of Hollywood that he remains today. Slap me upside the head the next time I waste money on a film of his making.

Long story short (I don't want to waste your time either) Miramax insisted (gently) that Tarantino divide his overly long Kill Bill into two separate films. Part One was innovative, exciting, cartoon-like, funny and thoroughly entertaining. Part Two was coma paced, derivative, sloppy, talky and just plain boring. I got tired of looking down at my watch to only discover that time had virtually stood still.

'The Bride' still seeking revenge for the massacre at her wedding rehearsal continues her quest for blood with the final goal of killing Bill. It takes over two grueling hours to get to the very dissatisfying conclusion. If Tarantino did not think that every inch of film he directs is a treasure he could have delivered one good film instead this uneven two-parter. Boo hiss!

The acting (and I use the term loosely) is stilted, the script bereft of intelligence or soul and most of the never ending scenes should have ended up on the cutting room floor or on a DVD for devotees of Tarantino.

Acting: Bad, bad, bad. Kill all the actors!

Predilection: I liked Part One.

Critters: A black mamba snake.

Food: Rice and a bologna and cheese sandwich.

Visual Art: Not enough for these hungry eyes.

Blatant Product Placement: Best Foods mayonnaise, French's mustard and Bimbo white bread.

Soundtrack: Dull.

Opening Titles: Black and white

Theater Audience: About a third full. One guy laughed loudly at inappropriate parts throughout the film.

Sappy Factor: 0

Quirky Meter: 0

Squirm Scale: The scene where Uma Thurman is buried alive is not good for us claustrophobes.

Predictability Level: High

Tissue Usage: I cried tears of joy when it was over.

Oscar Worthy: Ha!

Nit Picking: Too many nits and rants to get into right now.

Big Screen or Rental: Neither, but you could rent Kill Bill, the original.

Length: Over the two hour Lobo rule.