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Movie Review: Miami Vice

Alternate Title: Miami Rot

Story: What went wrong? A fun, filled with attitude, exciting 80's TV series (that reruns on Cable TV these days) turned into a dull, plodding, personality-less movie. We were disappointed.

Writer director Michael Mann missed by miles on this one. He should know better because he makes good films.He was also involved in the original TV show. So what happened to the colorful, moody, neon, pastel, fashionista, cool attitude of the TV series? It died a sad death.

The story (for what it was) revolves around our familiar character cops Sonny Crockett and Ricardo Tubbs. They go undercover to bust a drug cartel. That's the story - lock, stock and barrel.

We meet all sorts of unsavory characters. You know they are bad because they have bad hair, bad skin and bad teeth. They also have little style. There is absolutely no character development. There is no depth. There is no South Beach flavor. Mann's Miami Vice focus' on a trailer park near an airport. Huh?

I laughed at times that I am sure were not built for laughs. Somewhere in their contracts I guess that the two main actors called for equal time in the sex and shower scenes. Neither worked for me. (We ate popcorn during those scenes).

The film needed subtitles. There was much muttering and heavy accents. I decided that there was really no script so it didn't matter that I couldn't understand what they were saying half of the time.

Okay, so is there anything good to say about the film? We decided that the positive thought we left the theater with was the fact that the worst bad guys were the white supremacists. I guess that's something, eh?

Acting: Is staring, leering, sneering and muttering acting? If so, then Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx did their jobs. Gong Li was not a good fit as the love interest of Sonny Crockett. There was zero chemistry between them. Everyone else was straight out of central casting.

Predilection: I liked the TV show.

Critters: None

Food: Are you kidding? There is no time to eat when you are running, shooting or having sex.

Blatant Product Placement: Apple computers. I guess the Apple product placement is working for them these days as the stock is going up. (I am an Apple fan). Is a Mojito a product?

Soundtrack: Annoying

Visual Art: It was too dark to see anything

Weather (new category): It was mostly shot at night so it was dark and moody. There was ocassional lightening in the background but we never had any rain.

Theater Audience: We were in the secret balcony which apparently is not a secret anymore.

Sappy Factor: 0

Quirky Meter: 0

Squirm Scale: 0

Drift Factor: Oh my, lots and lots of drifting.

Predictability Level: High

Tissue Usage: 0

Oscar Worthy: NO

Big Screen or Rental: Neither - for some better Michael mann films, try renting: Collateral, Ali, The Insider and Heat

Length: 10 minutes over the two hour Lobo rule.