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| Movie Review: The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor Alternate Title: Mummy Weariest
Story: The sight of a franchise
dying is not pretty. This third in the Mummy series has sealed the lid
on the coffin this time. If it does not, it should. This piece of celluloid
nonsense was directed by Rob Cohen and written by Alfred
Gough and Miles Millar although I would not
call this writing or directing.
The story line is weak and not important. It
exists merely for the action scenes to have somewhat of a purpose. There
is also nothing I would call a mummy in the film. There are skeletons
and zombie type things, but nothing mummy-like at all.
The O'Connells are drawn out of a boring retirement
to return an artifact to the Chinese. The year is 1947. They also seem
to have a 20 year old son, which is a stretch and guess what? He is
involved in digging up dead things too. Curses, spells, the quest for
immortality, old hatreds and really bad dead people pollute the screen
with the powerful lust to conquer the world. Will good conquer evil?
Will the O'Connell's save the day? Will bad jokes fall flat? I won't
spoil the 'plot' for you but I think you can guess what happens.
Watch the trailer and then watch what I call
a real mummy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ol-U0ibnVD4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdCd4zS-bzA Acting: Brendan Fraser as Rick O’Connell
should be embarrassed. I hope the fortune he makes will go towards a
good project. Maria Bello as Evelyn O’Connell
replaces Rachel Weisz. There was one funny line at
the beginning of the film that alluded to this role change and I was
the only one who laughed. Sadly, while Bello is a great actress, she
did not fit this role at all. Jet Li as the maniacal
Emperor was underutilized as was the gorgeous Michelle Yeoh.
John Hannah was annoying as the comic foil and Luke
Ford as the son, Alex O’Connell did nothing for me.
Trivia: Brendan Fraser was chosen by People Magazine
as one of the 50 most beautiful people in the world in 1998. He has
dual citizenship: American and Canadian and speaks fluent French.
Predilection: I like Brendan Fraser
Critters: A lovable yak, yeti's, three headed flying
dragons and a wooly beastie.
Food: No time to eat while chasing creatures.
Sex Spectrum: Stop!
Soundtrack: Loud
Opening Titles: A lengthy segment explaining what
the heck has happened to get us to the present and then the title. The
rest of the titles only to the credits. The graphics through the credits
were really nice.
Visual Art: Very very busy and cluttered.
Theater Audience: 10 guys and me. One of them clapped
at the end. Sigh.
Sappy Factor: 0
Quirky Meter: 0
Squirm Scale: I squirmed at how very bad this film
was.
Drift Factor: Lots of drifting.
Predictability Level: Over the top.
Tissue Usage: 0
Oscar Worthy: No
Big Screen or Rental: Neither
Length: Under two hours.
LOBO HOWLS: 3 (one for each Mummy film in this franchise)
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