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Movie Review: The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

Alternate Title: Mummy Weariest

Story: The sight of a franchise dying is not pretty. This third in the Mummy series has sealed the lid on the coffin this time. If it does not, it should. This piece of celluloid nonsense was directed by Rob Cohen and written by Alfred Gough and Miles Millar although I would not call this writing or directing.

The story line is weak and not important. It exists merely for the action scenes to have somewhat of a purpose. There is also nothing I would call a mummy in the film. There are skeletons and zombie type things, but nothing mummy-like at all.

The O'Connells are drawn out of a boring retirement to return an artifact to the Chinese. The year is 1947. They also seem to have a 20 year old son, which is a stretch and guess what? He is involved in digging up dead things too. Curses, spells, the quest for immortality, old hatreds and really bad dead people pollute the screen with the powerful lust to conquer the world. Will good conquer evil? Will the O'Connell's save the day? Will bad jokes fall flat? I won't spoil the 'plot' for you but I think you can guess what happens.

Watch the trailer and then watch what I call a real mummy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ol-U0ibnVD4


Acting: Brendan Fraser as Rick O’Connell should be embarrassed. I hope the fortune he makes will go towards a good project. Maria Bello as Evelyn O’Connell replaces Rachel Weisz. There was one funny line at the beginning of the film that alluded to this role change and I was the only one who laughed. Sadly, while Bello is a great actress, she did not fit this role at all. Jet Li as the maniacal Emperor was underutilized as was the gorgeous Michelle Yeoh. John Hannah was annoying as the comic foil and Luke Ford as the son, Alex O’Connell did nothing for me.

Trivia: Brendan Fraser was chosen by People Magazine as one of the 50 most beautiful people in the world in 1998. He has dual citizenship: American and Canadian and speaks fluent French.

Predilection: I like Brendan Fraser

Critters: A lovable yak, yeti's, three headed flying dragons and a wooly beastie.

Food: No time to eat while chasing creatures.

Sex Spectrum: Stop!

Soundtrack: Loud

Opening Titles: A lengthy segment explaining what the heck has happened to get us to the present and then the title. The rest of the titles only to the credits. The graphics through the credits were really nice.

Visual Art: Very very busy and cluttered.

Theater Audience: 10 guys and me. One of them clapped at the end. Sigh.

Sappy Factor: 0

Quirky Meter: 0

Squirm Scale: I squirmed at how very bad this film was.

Drift Factor: Lots of drifting.

Predictability Level: Over the top.

Tissue Usage: 0

Oscar Worthy: No

Big Screen or Rental: Neither

Length: Under two hours.

LOBO HOWLS: 3 (one for each Mummy film in this franchise)