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Movie Review: What Time is it There?

Story: The bottom line is Who cares? This first 2002 film is not a good omen for the year. I will try to forget this awful film as quickly as possible. The pace of this film is the equivalent of watching your hair grow. It starts out interesting (there is always hope) and then, basically...nothing happens. Or by the time it happens you have lost any interest in the story or the characters. (My movie buddy confessed to taking a little nap during the film - I was jealous.)

If I had to sum it up (and I suppose I do) it is about loneliness, obsession, reincarnation, and the endless patience of film lovers like me...and my movie buddy.

The only interesting thing was director Tsia Ming-liang's choice of long (very long) takes from a single camera angle.

Acting: All of the characters felt restrained to me. I guess this was acting but I hated the film - so I hated them.

Critters: Some tropical fish in a much too small fish tank (I felt as claustrophobic as they looked in that tank) and there was some radio-talk about a dog...but that dog remained unseen...and did not come to a good end.

Food: It was Taiwanese...of course there was food. It was the best part of the film.

Visual Art: Lots of clocks. I looked at my own watch about 700 times.

Blatant Product Placement: None.

Soundtrack: I don't remember. I must have already entered my altered state.

Opening Titles: Plain black and white with no music...an omen of crap to come.

Theater Audience: Some yo-yo chose to sit right in front of me even though it was a fairly empty theater. It turned out he was French. We moved our seats.

Quirky Meter: It was quirky at first and then fell into a pretentious mode.

Squirm Scale: Way too much information about bodily functions from urination to vomiting.

Predictability Level: Who cares?

Oscar Worthy: Ha!

Nit Picking: You don't have the time....

Big Screen or Rental: Neither...go take a walk.

Length: 116 time stopping minutes