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Movie Review: X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Alternate Title: X-Men Origins: Pile O' Crap

Story: Oh dear. Disappointment abounds in this uninspired, redundant fourth film in the X-Men series. Directed by South African Gavin Hood (Tsotsi and Rendition) and written by David Benioff and Skip Woods we get nothing new, nothing to sink our teeth into and essentially no plot.

A prequel, or an origins film needs to be revealing. It should explain character and make you believe that the already known storyline has depth. Inject a big sigh here - that is sadly missing from this run of the mill slice and dice, kick and explode preview to the spate of forthcoming summer movies.

It is 1845 and we meet young mutant brothers Logan and Victor. They run away as young boys and the next thing we see is a montage in which they are fighting in every American War since that time. They are good at killing and seem to have stopped aging at about the age of 38 or 39 (wish I had that formula). Fast forward to an evil military guy who forms a team of mutants for special assignments. Fast even more forward and, oh, who cares? There's lots of explosions, some cheesy laboratory experiments, big fight scenes where everyone can really jump high and cannot seem to be killed and oh, who cares?

Watch the trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPmbGzQaOCs

Acting: Hugh Jackman as Logan/Wolverine puts his heart and soul into everything he does and that is admirable. His Australian accent leaks through occasionally but he is always nice for eye candy. Liev Schreiber as Victor Creed has the best lines and seems to be having fun. He reminded me of his character in Defiance. Danny Huston as the evil Stryker was not evil enough for me. Will.i.am as John Wraith could have been played by anyone. Lynn Collins as the love interest, Kayla Silverfox was pretty. Kevin Durand as fat Fred Dukes was a stupid waste of a part. Dominic Monaghan as Bradley did not have enough face time. Taylor Kitsch as Remy LeBeau is very cute. Daniel Henney as Agent Zero was a very bad ass and Ryan Reynolds as Wade Wilson is adorable.

Trivia: I confess that I was one of the many who saw the infamous pirated work print of this movie while on a recent vacation. Do not ask me how - I will not reveal the source. Four of us watched the print. I was the only one who had seen the other X-Men films (therefore the only fan). Before I tell you about the work print let me also confess that I almost never watch movies at home. I like the BIG screen and the entire BIG screen experience. Watching movies at home is too distracting. This pirated film is awful with a capital A. The fight scenes contain CGI images not yet turned into the 'humans' they are supposed to be. The stars are seen wearing wires and harnesses. Some of the scenes are incomprehensible in exposition and audio and the ending is head scratching. Most of the film is laughable. Seeing the work print made me really want to see the film on the big screen. Do not waste your time with either.

Predilection: I like the X-Men series.

Critters: A rat

Food: No food is actually eaten because action scenes interrupt eating.

Sex Spectrum: None

Blatant Product Placement: In the pirated movie there is a Budweiser can in clear view. In the real movie there is no product placement. Perhaps Budweiser changed their minds after seeing the final film and withdrew their product.

Soundtrack: Loud

Opening Titles: A short sequence showing little Logan and his brother Victor.

Visual Art: Comic book style ka-pows.

Theater Audience: There were the same number of people in the theater as there was in the living room of the pirated film I saw.

Quirky Meter: 0

Squirm Scale: 0

Drift Factor: I drifted

Predictability Level: If you have seen the other films you will not be surprised by anything.

Tissue Usage: 0

Oscar Worthy: No

Big Screen or Rental: Neither. Check out the other X-Men in the series. X-Men (http://judithwolfe.com/lobosmoviereviews/reviews/xmen.html) X2: X-Men United (http://judithwolfe.com/lobosmoviereviews/reviews/X2.html) and X-Men: The Last Stand (http://judithwolfe.com/lobosmoviereviews/reviews/laststand.html)

Length: Thankfully, under two hours